So, a while back, when I was 17, a friend of mine and I drove over to Milwaukee to see a show. We got there, enjoyed the show immensely, and left. We decided that, since it was fairly late, we'd drive halfway back to Madison, stop for some food and a chance to relieve our bladders, and then go the rest of the way home. Unfortunately, my dolt of a friend went the wrong way out of Milwaukee. We got off the highway and found ourselves fortuitously at a Wendy's. We got out to go inside for food and a bathroom but found it closed. We got back into the car and were about to turn around when, a bit down the road, I sighted a McDonald's. I should mention here that we are not in a good part of town. We're in the part of town where you keep your hand in your pocket, clutching your phone in case someone holds a knife to your back. And it's late. About 11. And so we naively drive over to this McDonald's. Pulling into the parking lot, we see that the lights are still on inside. Excellent. My friend parks his parent's car and we get out and start walking towards the building when, lo and behold, a large black woman approaches us. She wears clothes that have a two-day build-up of grime and when I say large, I mean large. Huge. Obese. And so it begins.